Otdfbt

Back in my old career we used to have an ER nurse at a local hospital who had scars all up her arms that were very obviously self harm scars.

The first time I saw them I felt very awkward and tried my hardest not to look at them. After a few times I got used to them and ignored them. I always did have questions in the back of my mind about what caused it but never once did I blame her for it. The way I saw it she was a victim at some stage and has now moved on with her life, good on her.

Obviously for us we had a bit of experience with mental health issues so we could see past it. She was a great nurse and I think she might have even been supervisor of some sorts.

For people who don't know much about it, it could be a different issue. Hopefully people are open minded and enlightened enough to see past it but it might not always be the case.

Edit:
I am still friends on FB with this nurse to this day and she is still doing great in everything she does.

One trick I've used is to wear a very light long sleeve top, made of thin cotton or synthetic. It can be semi-transparent and allow plenty of air flow.

I found that just wearing it signalled to others that whatever issues I had with my arms I didn't want to discuss. It's kinda like make-up, it's obvious you are wearing it but tells other people that whatever it is concealing isn't something you want to talk about.

Even if you only wear it for a while just to let everyone get used to the fact that you have scars, it helps communicate your desire to avoid the subject to them.

I have relatively prominent scars on my right forearm and used to be embarrassed. I wouldn't wear short sleeves. I'm 25 now and have worked with a great number of different people, both from the US and UK (i'm British).

I've found that from the most part people may glance once or twice, but there will be no comments and once you come to accept that, you forget about it completely. In my experience it's been no different to maybe having a small mole on the skin - people glance and don't mention it

I prefer the "that's old stuff" answer, but I do know one person who incorporated them into a tattoo. Of course that might create its own issues, depending on the work environment.

She should consider plastic surgery to diminish the appearance of the scars. At the very least, she should visit a plastic surgeon and find out what changes are possible.

It is very common for people to have scars removed, and this is no different. It might even heal more than the physical scars; it can be mentally healing as well.

I worked with a woman who a wore skin colored sleeve which went from her hand to above her elbow; it had a thumb hole so it wouldn't slip.

The only place I've ever seen something like it was volunteering at Camp Celebrate (a camp for children who are burn victims).

I have no idea if it was a burn, a birth defect, a tattoo, or scarification - I never asked and she never volunteered it.

We are pretty good friends and still lightly keep up. I feel it would be rude to ask her or one of her close friends. If she ever wants me to know she will tell me. I'm not aware that anyone else asked her either.

If a therapist has told your girlfriend that it is part of her healing, maybe this isn't good advice for her.

But I see no difference between that sleeve and her limiting herself to only wearing long sleeve clothing - which you said she is currently considering.

Is there at least one person at work that she can confide in? I feel like she would be much more comfortable on the first sleeveless day* if she had an ally at work that knew the situation, and knew that day X was going to be the "take a deep breath and plunge in" day. A big part of what is going on is that she doesn't know how people are going to react. If she has someone who she knows wil be "in her corner", it reduces that uncertainty.

Overcoming such difficulties in her past is something to be proud of, and should be celebrated, but she is completely rational to think that there might be people who don't take it that way, and it's reasonable to take preemptive defensive measures in case people display ignorance or unkindness.

*Assuming she decides she wants to go that way--not implying that she should, just to be clear.

My wife didn't notice these scars on one of her younger friends. As I have some contact with young women, I noticed them instantly. I don't think they will get much comment from people who don't recognize them, the same way they wouldn't say anything about a large birthmark.

Is your girlfriend prepared for interaction about the scars with people who do understand? When I saw some on a regular clerk in a shop I frequent (covered by clothes except on the hottest days), I gave her the card for the local crisis line. She was excited and grateful that someone cared enough. But your girlfriend may feel very much otherwise, and should be prepared.

"Own" them. The scars communicate something about her past.

I think about a comparison with tattoos that communicate something about the personality. Think of tattoo motives with some kind of emotional symbolism, as opposed to decoration. These are created with the knowledge of being permanent. I think creating the scars is mainly motivated by the effects of the pain, but the aspect of permanent communication is part of it: To create pain is possible using many locations on the body, and the arm is often chosen repeatedly. The first time it may be a spontaneous choice, but it is consciously repeated.

So the scars could be seen like a tattoo expressing "I've seen worse times than now" - as long as they do not look clearly new. A statement that became part of the personality. Many tattoos communicate the same in much more detailed ways.

In a way, it is not even a particularly strong statement, because it is unspecific. (In comparison, the most specific I have seen is a man with text around his neck. Yes, visible, black on skin text, all around. I never dared to read it.) I have, As a fellow German, some intuition about the local etiquette for big German cities (Berlin): It is just nothing special, it is not something attracting attention. Somebody seeing it either understands what it is and means and will understand the statement about the past, or does not know it and sees a normal, minor scar. (My own sister has some of them - I never even bothered to ask for details. And I see no problem to publicly and permanently reveal this information here.)

So, the scars say "I had bad times earlier in my life.". Which is pretty normal.

What's wrong with that?